My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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