I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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