I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
