I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
