Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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