just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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