How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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