in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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