So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My bed smells like the plague
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
