the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
