she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
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I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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