Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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