Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
