I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize