Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
