I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize