Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
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you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
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And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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