On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
