Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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