I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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