My underwear smells like fireworks.
smell my finger.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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