I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
