What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
