Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
