someone threw a dead crab at me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
