I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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