I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
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If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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