am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
