If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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