It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
