:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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