Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize