I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
