I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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