I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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