Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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