She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
