your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
