maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
