Tell her she can't have a vagina
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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