I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
