ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
