Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
