By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
