i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
as a side note pls kill me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
