After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
