my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
