I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
