I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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