I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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