i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
