i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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