I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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