So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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