she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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