Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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