I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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