just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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