just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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